Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
