I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize