overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Someone came in the potted fern
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
