And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
