I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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