We need to start having sex underwater more often.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
