I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
