i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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