I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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