the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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