Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
