dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
