How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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