i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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