ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
