are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
