Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
