Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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