Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
