Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
