and you said cock pushups were impossible
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
