Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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