she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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