I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
