I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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