and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
