i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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