god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
