Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i now understand why vodka
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
