I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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