I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize