I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
