The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
