Swine flu. Run for my life!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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