When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
