you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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