"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
