People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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