For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
