Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
