im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Send help, water and tortillas.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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