Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This is classic penis vs brain.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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