dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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