I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
