I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
