My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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