On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
