her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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