Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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