it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
