My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
