Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
