So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
