Barsexuality is the new black.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize