So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
