apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im six kinds of drunk right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
