i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
