Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it's great music for shaving your balls
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
