All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
