Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Randomize
