you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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