The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
