WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ladies don't puke and tell
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
