did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
