Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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