Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
