i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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