I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
