Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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