Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
