my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
