Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
