Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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