before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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