meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
