when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
