It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
