Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize