i think my tv is drunk
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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