it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
