sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
