see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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