Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
