TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
