You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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