haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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