I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
