i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
