My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
