i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
