so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
