Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We have so much sex to catch up on
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
