Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
