guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
