dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
