I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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