If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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