i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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