I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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