we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
