Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
