I didn't shave. On purpose
i will never coherently bang her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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